I Blew It Again!

I'm so disgusted with myself - I can't sleep, and I have a sick feeling in my stomach. I can't believe I blew another major tourn. when I had a good chance of taking 1st! Yesterday, I played 3 perfect games, went back this morning to face my partner, Lucille. We had a great game and it came down to my hammer to win and I drew an eight. Now I was in the final four and facing an Amateur. Now granted, sometimes it's difficult to play an Amateur because you never know what they're going to do next, and much of the time they have an incredible amount of luck. Ella May had played an excellent tourn., but all I had to do was beat her and I would face a lady in the finals that I was confident I could beat. But, it didn't happen! Ella May played great against me and had some of that luck I mentioned. She led me most of the game, sometimes by nearly 30 pts., I was able to catch up toward the end of the game and needed only my hammer to win. The wind was gusting 30 to 40 mph cross-court and that had my confidence shaken, especially with my 'clearing the board'. So, by trying to play the board instead of clearing in the last frame, I totally blew it. I got 14 pts., but she got 17! I was dumbfounded - I had let this Amateur beat me!! I blew it and everyone agreed!!! Just like last season when I paniced and got beat in the last frame of the National Singles - when am I going to learn?! I know, you say, it's just a game, but shuffleboard is more than that to me. I strive to do my best at everything I take on and have had a great season this winter. This was the TSSA Tourn. of Champions and I wanted it so bad. I had taken 3rd and 4th in past years and won 2 jackets, which a great number of shufflers don't, and will never have, but this year I wanted 1st so bad. Not to be, and I'll have to wait a year to try again. I ended up with 3rd, another jacket and $50. Stan also took 3rd and got his first jacket - I was really happy for him. Now, I have a week to get this out of my system and prepare for this year's National Singles, Mar. 17th. Third is good out of 70-some shufflers, but I expected more out of me and so did my fellow shufflers. It's hard to let it go and in some ways I know it will always haunt me, but it most surely won't be the last time I BLOW IT, so I may as well shake it off and move on. God Bless & Happy Shuffling.